Posted on February 27, 2014 · Posted in Blog

The Answer is Not Simple, Which is the Reason for Lots of Confusion.

We all know that divorce impacts more than just two people, but this is especially true when it comes to those with children. Divorce affects children of all ages, young and old, and they will naturally have many questions such as “Where will I live?” and “When will I see mommy or daddy?”.

how divorce affects childrenChildren will also have questions which extend beyond logistics. Children may puzzle over their own role in their parents’ separation, wondering if their actions had something to do with their parents’ divorce. It is crucial to reassure your children that the divorce is not their fault, and to emphasize that both parents love them very much.

“Why are you divorcing?”

It helps to anticipate this question ahead of time—and talk with your soon-to-be ex-partner to discuss age-appropriate answers that you both would be comfortable sharing with your children. If you can agree on a way to talk about your divorce with your children, it can be a healthy and unifying practice which acknowledges your experiences as a family during this difficult time when your children may be questioning family roles.

It is important to acknowledge and validate children’s feelings by respectfully listening to their concerns, worries, hopes, and more. As Harvard psychologist Richard Bromfield pointed out in an article published in Parents magazine, “Adults who don’t acknowledge the feelings behind these questions may think they’re protecting their children—when they’re really protecting themselves.”

Problems to Come?

Divorce obviously increases the risk that children will develop  behavioural and/or psychological problems. Children of divorce quite often exhibit problems associated with with anger, not following the rules, and just plain disobedience. Some kids’ achievement at school can suffer, while others fall into depression for prolonged periods of time. They become anxious or they may go to the other side of the scale: ending up caring for their parents instead of getting the parental love and attention they need themselves.

It’s Going to be OK, Isn’t It?

It’s good to know that the majority of children of divorce do not develop serious behavioural or emotional problems. In fact the majority of children are quite resilient, especially if the parents take the time to put their kids’ interests first. Using peaceful divorce mediation can significantly reduce the stress which in turn helps the entire family, including the kids. Remember: adults divorce; children do not.

Related articles:

FancyLine

On the Doorstep of Divorce, or do you need help in Rebuilding After Divorce?
Give us a call at 250.707.0928, or request a consultation.

divorce mediation kelownaAbout Kelowna Divorce Mediation Services

We are not expensive lawyers; we are family divorce mediators and rebuilding coaches.  Our boutique divorce mediation firm has become Kelowna’s first choice when dealing with separation and divorce, and beyond. It is possible to reduce stress, time and conflict. Our mediation and rebuilding models educate and empower our clients, so that when you leave you have a document that will stand the test of time, and a process for rebuilding your life.

Request a Consultation

email