Posted on October 15, 2012 · Posted in Blog

In Shakespeare’s play he coins one of the most famous lines in drama when he asks:

When to divorce

“To be, or not to be. That is the question.
Whether ‘tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them?”

Hamlet’s predicament is his dissatisfaction with life, yet, he’s not quite sure that death is the answer. What does death have in store?

This scene reminds us of the painful decision- making process that individuals go through when contemplating divorce.

In the divorce business we are privy to the inner thoughts, fears and questions of our clients, and the question that keeps coming up is, “Is there a right time for divorce?” or it can also be phrased, “When do I come to accept that my marriage is over?”

Like so many others, you fell in love, had children and then grew apart. However, the vows that you made said that you would  stay for “better or worse,” and, therein, lies the dilemma.

The Myth: I Can Fix the Problems

The most difficult decision that people have to deal with when deciding whether to divorce or not is the belief that they should be able to change the other person and fix the problems. They forget that it takes two to make the marriage work, however, the problem is that they only have control over one party to the marriage…themselves.

Change what you have control over. It is normal to think or hope that you might find just the right words to get through to your spouse. Those magic words that will lead to enlightenment and change him/her into the very person you need him/her to be. This is an unhealthy way to think because it will NOT happen!

The Decision: Knowing When to Divorce

To be, or not to be? Wait, or not to wait? That is the question. Yes, so many of us end up playing the waiting game. We believe that if we can go to more counseling sessions things will change, or once she/he stops drinking or leaves the affair, we can make the marriage work. The problem with the waiting game is that you very well may end up waiting a lifetime.

The Reasons You Should Move On

If you are in a marriage and it:

  • makes you question why you stay,
  • makes you feel depressed and trapped,
  • makes you feel like your individuality has been removed or challenged,
  • makes you live in fear of abusive behavior by your spouse,
  • makes you make up excuses for your spouse’s behaviour,
  • makes you change your own belief system,
  • makes you distance yourself from your friends and family, and
  • you have exhausted all reconciliation options including counseling,

then you are wasting your time, health and energy, and you need to move on.
FancyLine

On the Doorstep of Divorce, or do you need help in Rebuilding After Divorce?
Give us a call at 250.707.0928, or request a consultation.

divorce mediation kelownaAbout Kelowna Divorce Mediation Services

We are not expensive lawyers; we are family divorce mediators and rebuilding coaches.  Our boutique divorce mediation firm has become Kelowna’s first choice when dealing with separation and divorce, and beyond. It is possible to reduce stress, time and conflict. Our mediation and rebuilding models educate and empower our clients, so that when you leave you have a document that will stand the test of time, and a process for rebuilding your life.

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